Perhaps I've Seemed Insensitive? - Molly Nichols

Perhaps I’ve Seemed Insensitive?

Today’s message comes from the depths of my heart and soul.

 

Recently I was asked if I take into consideration how sharing my postpartum experience as a mom of 4 may impact women who are struggling to have their 1st, 2nd or even 3rd child.

 

And the answer is yes!

 

I think about and consider every single woman in my community.

 

I think about you every day.

 

I journal for your success.

 

I pray for you.

 

I hold your vision for the future of your family with you!

 

I send you love.

 

My deepest hope is that every woman in my community finds their pathway to their baby!

 

See, when I finally became pregnant after 7 years of infertility, I never shared anything about pregnancy or motherhood.

 

For years I was afraid that my children would in some way cause pain for another.

 

And if you know me at all, you KNOW my intention is never to hurt or cause pain in anyone.

 

But here’s the thing…

 

I CANNOT share my work and not share fully and authentically my life experience and who I am.

 

My fertility work was birthed because of my journey to becoming a mother.

 

And yes, I could share a watered down or overly filtered version of my life to make sure that no one ever gets upset or triggered…

 

But that’s no longer who I AM!

 

I AM a woman who struggled for 7 years to become a mother.

 

I AM a woman who became pregnant with twins through IVF.

 

I AM a woman who then miraculously became pregnant 2 years later from natural conception.

 

I AM also a woman who at 41 years old became pregnant naturally and gave birth to my baby at home after 2 prior c sections.

 

So without any shame or guilt, I stand before you today a mother of 4 precious souls…

 

AND these souls are why I do the work I do.

 

I want to celebrate and honor my kids lives! They are my miracles.

 

They are the reasons I’m here!

 

So to not talk about them and all the ups and downs feels shameful and like I’m hiding a part of myself.

 

I believe we should be celebrating every single pregnant woman who has overcome infertility and every child born.

 

But, in most fertility spaces we don’t.

 

We ask women to hide their pregnancy announcements with trigger warnings.

 

We tell women who become pregnant after infertility…

 

Women whose hearts have ached the same ache, to silently to disappear into the shadows.

 

And we leave no space for women to share the difficulties of pregnancy and motherhood after infertility.

 

It’s crazy to me that any woman who has struggled with infertility would feel guilty for the fact she is now pregnant or has children!

 

Yet, that’s how so many have felt, including myself.

 

But, this no longer feels acceptable to me!


 

Because your fertility journey does not end when you get the two pink lines.

 

It does not end when you birth your baby.

 

It is with you for life.

 

So, I’m taking a stand!

 

I know the deep dark places the fertility journey can take you but you have to be cautious of separating and shutting yourself off from the thing you so deeply desire.

 

So I am going to create a sisterhood where we rally and celebrate each other in our successes and we hold and love each other through our grief and hardships.

 

A community where you see that her fertility success is a sign of what is possible for you.

 

A community where you see that her fertility success is a sign of what is possible for you.

 

A space where you feel that if I can do it, then you can too!

 

A safe place where, when it’s your time, you’ll have a place to share your joy and we’ll be there to celebrate you and your good news.

 

And it’s okay if your heart still aches and hurts!

 

It’s okay if you wish it was your time.

 

It’s okay to still feel sad, angry and even jealous!

 

It’s okay to be triggered!

 

You ALWAYS have full permission to feel all that you feel!

 

And none of what you feel is bad or wrong.

 

But what is wrong is asking someone to hide or dim their joy and light.

 

So here’s the deal Lovies…

 

I AM committed to continuing to share my message, work and experience with tons of love, empathy and compassion. And the fact that I am a mom of 4 will be a part of that.

 

My main focus will continue to be fertility, but at times I will be talking about pregnancy, birth and motherhood even if it does not sit well with all.

 

Because while what I share may trigger some, it will inspire others.

 

If this does not work for you, I completely understand. Know that I still love you and wish you all the best on your journey!

 

If you do choose to stick around then hold on tight because I’ve got some incredible new fertility goodness I’ll be sharing very soon!

 

Thank you for letting be share my heart with you today.

 

I am SO deeply grateful for you!

 

I love you,

 

Molly



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