Here’s the honest truth…
There have been many moments since I’ve become a mother when I’ve felt like a total failure.
The first time being just hours after my twins were born.
My son was not sleeping and continued to cry through the night.
A fairly new maternity nurse told me he was crying because he was hungry.
Which was NOT the truth.
(He was not hungry, he was uncomfortable.)
A more experienced nurse came in the next morning, swaddled him up nice and tight and he was happy as could be.
But, I remember so clearly that first time feeling like I was not enough as a mother.
Over the last 8 years this feeling has ebbed and flowed in and out of my awareness.
Second to feelings of failure has been the mommy guilt.
See, I had high expectations for myself as a mother especially after it took me 7 years to have my babies.
I wanted to get it right.
To get it perfect.
To always be patient and present.
I told myself that I would never get angry or frustrated.
That I would love every moment of motherhood.
But, the truth is…
And I’m not supposed to say this out loud…
Sometimes being a mama is REALLY friggin hard.
Because I was not perfect or prepared for all the ups and downs of motherhood, I was extremely hard on myself.
Other women talked about this love they had for their children, and I wondered if maybe I did not love my children as much as they did.
Maybe my love was wrong or not enough.
Even though I wanted to spend every waking moment with them.
I wanted them with me. (I still do)
I wanted to protect them from, well, everything.
I did not want and still do not want to miss a moment of their lives.
I remember thinking that if anything happened to them I would die.
But still my love did not feel like enough because of the profound variety of emotions I would feel throughout a day.
Wanting my children close at every moment, yet also at times not wanting to be touched or needed.
And sometimes I just needed a break.
But, as a mother, society tells you you’re not supposed to need time for yourself.
Because, if you do it means that you do not love being a mother or your children.
When that is NOT the truth AT ALL!
Being a mother is a 24-hours-a-day job when you are a stay-at-home mom AND when you are a working mom.
(I’ve been both.)
And I did finally hit a breaking point.
My quest to be the PERFECT mama had caught up with me.
I was burnt out, resentful, sad, frustrated, disconnected…
And I was exhausted.
Which means I was no good to anyone!
In my heart I knew that something had to change.
So, I went back to the basics that helped me get pregnant after 7 years of infertility.
I began to take care of my mental, emotional, energetic, and spiritual well-being.
But, I approached it in a new way.
First, I started making a little bit of time for myself every day.
Second, and most importantly, I began sharing and teaching my self care and spiritual practices to my kids.
They became a part of my self care, not separate from it.
I drew them in and included them, and it has changed everything!
My entire approach to motherhood has changed.
I’m no longer seeking perfection.
I’m more balanced, grounded, patient, and present.
And my children are too! (most days 😉
I’m also happy to report that the mommy guilt and feelings of failure only show up on rare occasions.
That is why I created the Awakened Mama Program.
Because, if you’re a mama who has been feeling tons of mommy guilt, overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted, or even that you’ve lost a bit of yourself trying to BE and DO it ALL…
I want you to know that YOU are NOT failing AND you are NOT alone!
There are simple practices that you can put into place today that can transform how you show up as a mama too.
Practices that cultivate mental and emotional balance, as well as connection and trust in yourself and your children.
Practices that nurture and fill you back up when you feel depleted from giving so much of yourself every day!
Practices that you can use to cultivate more balance and harmony in your home!
And I want to share these life changing practices with you!
If this is speaking to your heart…
Take my hand and let me show you a new way to move through motherhood!
Love and the biggest hug,