I’m someone who is always on a journey to understand myself better.
I want to know…
Why I do the things I do.
Why I think the way I think.
Why what triggers me triggers me.
Why I behave in certain situations the way I do.
I want to know and understand what my underlying beliefs are that are orchestrating how I’m showing up and behaving in life.
So, if a belief is not serving me, I can then choose to rework and transform it so that it does.
(This process is the foundation of ALL my work!)
But, sometimes, when my curiosity is triggered and I ask God and the Universe to help me understand more clearly an underlying ROOT or pattern of beliefs…
The excavation process is not a pretty one.
The current beliefs that I’ve been trying to understand better are…
“Why in the face of conflict or disagreement do I shut down and not choose myself and what will work best for me?”
“Why do I disregard my own needs and quiet my voice to accommodate others when perceived confrontation is present in the interaction?”
See, I can fall into a pattern of putting other people’s needs, wants and desires before my own, especially if there is conflict or guilt thrown into the equation.
Now, some may say that this is selfless and a great quality to have.
And yes, at times it might be.
But, when you continue to sacrifice your own needs, it’s hard to know where you fit into your life and relationships.
I will, of course, speak what I desire or my opinion, but if the opposing energy is more forceful and/or confrontational, or will somehow paint a picture of how my wants, needs and desires are wrong…
In many instances I will dismiss my needs and go along with what the other person wants.
Because I want to be good.
I don’t want to rock the boat.
I don’t want to upset anyone or for anyone to be upset with me.
And I don’t want to fight.
Because, deep down the little girl inside of me feels like fighting, and having a voice when facing conflict FEELS very dangerous.
That’s the root!
Coming to this awareness, much like most of my spiritual awakening, was messy, and truthfully really stunk.
There were endless amounts of tears, frustration and a bit of confrontation.
Paired with TONS of TRUST and the permission I’ve given MYSELF to feel it ALL…
So that I could find the root
And be free!
That’s how I’m feeling today!
More FREE and able to breathe a bit deeper.
See, I get to choose myself.
I get to have a voice, even in the face of conflict.
And it’s safe to go against what a perceived authority figure wants or thinks is best for me.
Now, the trigger will still likely come up.
But, it no longer has control over me as it did.
I can see it as the loving observer.
It does not have to take me down.
I can choose myself and what works best for me.
And if that means walking away, that’s okay too.
The same goes for YOU!
Every time we choose ourselves from a place of love and compassion, the Universe will respond to that energy.
As will the people around you.
And YES, COMPROMISE is important too!
But, if one side is always the one to compromise, it’s not an equal exchange of energy.
That is what I want in my life…
Where, if I CHOOSE to accommodate someone else’s needs, it actually feels like a choice!
Because one of my core beliefs is that we do in fact ALWAYS have a choice.
And, it is ALWAYS safe to choose ourselves.
We know on a soul level what we need to feel our best.
We know where we’ve been denying our own needs to accommodate others.
We know where we’ve been quieting our voices.
And NOW is the time to give yourself permission to honor YOUR soul’s needs and desires…
Because this is self love at its absolute best!
So how can you choose and take care of your needs today?
Take a moment to tune into what you need…
Then give yourself full permission!
Sending you love and the biggest hug,